Saturday, June 28, 2014

Thank you once again Argentina

I left Argentina never knowing if I would return in 1977...once more in 2005...also in 2012...and now again this Tuesday, July 1, 2014:

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

And as for fortune and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world
They were all I desired

They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me

Don't cry for me Argentina

Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Hotel Tips

For the last three years I have lived in hotels more than in a home. Hotels in the United States, Argentina, Chile and Uruguay. Here are some tips:

1. Tip. Any tip is better than no tip. Make sure you have enough small denomination bills so that you can tip often and reward good service. Hotel employees remember who tips.

2. If you have a cell phone and a computer or tablet and especially if you are traveling with family bring an extension cord. You will want to charge all of your items overnight.

3. Even though they say the mini bar operates on "the honor system", they will not check you out of the hotel until they ask you what you consumed...and then have an employee go into your room to verify what you have told them.

4. Always make sure you know which faucet is hot and which is the sink AND the shower. It may vary from hotel to hotel and even from sink to shower. And, just assume that when you lean over to turn the water on in the shower it will first come out of the shower head icy cold.

5. If you can hear them talking or singing in the next room, they can hear you.

6. When you enter into a non smoking room that reeks from smoke, the bell boy will swear he does not smell anything and that you should not worry because it is a non smoking room.

7. The motorcycles always park in the best spots.

8. If you leave your room and forget to take down the "Do Not Disturb" door tag, you will return to a dirty room.

9. You are not destroying the universe if you want clean towels everyday.

10. 9 out of 10 times that you put your electronic room key card in the same pocket as your cell phone your card will be deactivated.

And the bonus tip: Every now and then some wise guy will set the alarm clock for 2:00 am before he checks out....

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Confessions of a Mission President, Part II

Due to the many requests for more confessions, I thought I would post some more....

1. It seems that the toughest questions to answer are the "why" in "Elder....why?"

2. These days you have to realize that any photo taken of you is likely to appear somewhere on the Internet.

3. You are not as smart as half of the people think you are nor as dumb as the other half think you are.

4. When someone calls on the phone without identifying himself, you miss the first 30 seconds of what he says because you are trying to figure out who he is.

5. Beware of people who in the middle of a conversation say, "I like your watch."

6. If you are the only missionary in the meeting who still has his jacket on we all know you did not iron your shirt.

7. When we say "no one is perfect", we are speaking from experience.


9. Sometimes we are smiling because we are happy when we get to see you do something you could not do, or thought you could not do and are, in fact, doing without even realizing it.

10. Think, make that three times before you ask the Mission President's wife, "And, so, what do YOU do all day..."!

And the bonus confession...When someone only has one question to ask, he just asks it. When someone has several questions to ask he says, "I just have one question...."

Monday, June 2, 2014

Confessions of a Mission President

1. I am a better Bishop now that I am not a Bishop than I was when I was a Bishop, a better Stake President now that I am not a Stake President than I was when I was a Stake President, and if you talk to me in 10 years, I will be a better Mission President then than I was when I was a Mission President!!!

2. Most of the times when I asked missionaries if they knew why I was calling them, they confessed to something completely different than the reason why I was calling them!

3. The reason I have such a stern look on my face when you tell me that you did something knuckle-headed is because I would probably burst out laughing if I was not your Mission President.

4. Most missionaries who tell me to expect emails from their parents are correct.

5. When you tell a missionary, "I am going to tell you something but do not tell the Mission President", you are really saying, "I am going to tell you something and I realize that you are probably going to tell the Mission President". That is why you are not surprised and sometimes relieved when the Mission President knows...and you do not ask, "How did you know?"!

6. You can not play a Mission President's wife off of the Mission President. She is too smart for that and has already raised children into adulthood.

7. The Kleenex box on the Mission President's desk is used more often by him
than by visitors to his office.

8. If your Mission President is speaking a language other than english to you, you probably should not be speaking english to him...even if you both know english.

9. It really is fun for the Mission President to just be with missionaries in their
areas working and visiting and talking...and he wants the missionaries to enjoy it, too.

10. Sometimes the reason we know something you do not is because we have the Manuals of Instruction where we can look it up!!!

And the bonus confession...Sometimes the Mission President is just as surprised by what he sees as you are to see him walk through your apartment door!